Monday, September 20, 2010

That Edwin Starr is full of shit!

“I said, War...huh...Good God, y'all. What is it good for?       Absolutely nothing”.
I beg to differ!
My usual philosophy of “Make Tea, Not War” has been thrown out the window this week with the presence of a very threatening home invader.
This thief in the night has disrupted my pantry’s quiet living, as it steals in during the night and robs me of my snacks.
May I introduce to you...Satanmouse!

It is this repulsive rodent that has caused me to declare war on all things Mus musculus!
I have detected signs of him around my house for a little while now, and have been quietly hoping that my little mousetrap that I have laid down would have been enough to rid my house of this nocturnal nuisance.
Until today. Until I opened my pantry and found myself face to whiskered face (his, not mine) with his beady little eyes! Not only was this filthy creature in my pantry, but he was eating MY Barbecue Shapes biscuits!!
How the hell does a mouse get up to the 4th self of a cupboard? What kind of climbing skills do these animals have? Do they use some kind of rock climbing equipment? Was anyone out there aware of mice being able to obtain jetpacks?

I may have tolerated him for a while longer, and not declared all out war, if he was happy to forage on the floor for dropped morsels from the kids (until he was eventually snapped up by my strategically placed mousetrap). Not levitating through my pantry and eating MY food!
So, (after throwing out 99.637% of my food stores that weren’t safely sealed within their little Tupperware bunkers) I have armed myself to the teeth with mousetraps, Ratsack, my home made Bazooka-Mousetrap hybrid and a Hessian bag full of Anthrax. (Why? To show off more of my amazingly dodgy Photoshopping skills of course!)

All I have to do now is bide my time and wait. That little sucker’s days are numbered!
I long for the day when peace, once again, reigns in my pantry, and my Barbecue Shapes are free to roam the shelves unhindered from foreign enemies.


Anonymous said...

When you've defeated those horrible little sods at your place, can you please come and wipe out the ones in my roof? ;)

Voluptacon said...

I have weaponry now! I may become a freelance Bounty-mouse hunter. I'll be over to your place soon.

toushka said...

how the hell does it get up to the 4th shelf? I would probably move house. I can't stand the thought of finding a dead mouse in a trap.. or a nearly dead one. So I would just move. But then again, I've been known to move house because I had too many dirty dishes so I may not be the best to give advice.

Voluptacon said...

My dirty dishes are now an art installation piece. I call it "The Gigantor of the Galley".

I don't reuse my mousetraps. I just close my eyes, guess round about where the mousetrap is, scoop it up in about 379 plastic bags and wheelie bin it. Blurrrggghhhhhh!

EmmaK said...

I think its fine to channel your latent aggression by blowing Satanmouse to smithereens!! We have mousetraps all over the house that I have gotten my toes caught in - don't try it better to go crazy with your gun. Good luck

Wanderlust said...

Your mouse looks susceptible to hypnosis. Have you considered piping into your pantry some suggestions to eat tainted cheese? That's what I would do.

You have some mad photoshopping skilz!