Monday, August 30, 2010

What kind of freak puts their baby in a tree?

How many of you have considered the violent nature of some of our supposedly most innocent of all songs, Nursery rhymes (I know some of you have)?

Take Rock a bye baby, not only have they shoved their poor child up the top of the tree, they’ve done it during high winds! And a tree so riddled with IBS (Irritable Bough Syndrome),that it ends up breaking, sending baby plummeting to earth!

Rock-a-bye baby, on the treetop. When the wind blows, the cradle will rock,
When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall. And down will come baby, cradle and all.”

Next up is Jack and Jill. A sad tale of woe featuring our two water collecting heros. Poor Jack ends up with severe head injuries, while Jill’s condition can only be guessed at.

Jack and Jill went up the hill, To fetch a pail of water.
Jack fell down and broke his crown. And Jill came tumbling after.

I’ve heard of some women having shoe fetishes, but living inside footwear? The old woman lived inside a shoe with countless children. No wonder the woman was cranky enough to malnourish and beat them on a daily basis. Perhaps if it was a giant Manolo Blahnik she’d be more kind to the kiddies.

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe.
She had so many children, she didn't  know what to do;
She gave them some broth without any bread,

Then whipped them all soundly and sent them to bed.

Peter Peter pumpkin eater sounds like the most depraved man ever to live! He shoves his wife into a pumpkin (I can only hope the poor woman was humanely euthanised before this occurrence) and keeps her there.  Haven’t you heard? Pumpkin shells are the new way to preserve!

Peter, Peter pumpkin eater, Had a wife but couldn't keep her;
He put her in a pumpkin shell. And there he kept her very well.


And poor old  Humpty Dumpty:

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the king's horses and all the king's men. Couldn't put Humpty together again.


Not only does he fall off a wall, but they send the kings horses to fix him. Medical negligence at its lowest point.  Have you ever seen a horse in scrubs? A horse performing micro surgery on an egg?

All the while many parents are afraid of their children coming across porn on the shelves of their local supermarket, or violence on TV, when some of the songs they are singing to them may be keeping therapists in jobs for decades to come.

What are some other supposedly innocent nursery rhymes are there?

2 comments:

MultipleMum said...

Funny post! I think I may be the old lady in the shoe. And it is a stinky sneaker :-( Thanks for rewinding x

hearts_in_asia said...

Hehe, one of the first things my husband did when we brought our girl home was change the words to 'Rockabye baby' to make them better!
It doesn't rhyme, but:
Rockabye baby, on the tree top
when the wind blows the cradle will rock,
when the bough breaks, the cradle will fall,
and she will come parachuting safely down.

:)

(visiting from the rewind)