Thursday, August 25, 2011

I confess. I still miss you!

It's been four years, but I still miss you.

You were there with me for so many years, but now you're gone. Some may call me crazy, but I do miss you.

You were there with me though all kinds of crazy times.

In my 20s, when I suffered from horrible panic attacks, you were there with me in the middle of the night when I thought I was going to die.

You were there when my heart was broken by silly boys.

My best friend, you and I all shared our ups and downs together. Staying up all night chatting and laughing until we cried. We were all never far away from each other.

You were also there for all the good times. The times we'd stay out all night, catching the first tram of the morning home, walking through the front door all crumpled and dishevilled. I'd sleep for the rest of the day, get up eventually, and we'd watch the sunset from the back porch. Sitting in silence together, amazed at the beauty of nature, and hungover as hell!

You were there when I used to visit my Nanna, Nan Fras. Nan also loved your company. We would sit there for hours of a weekend afternoon, eating a lunch of Mars Bars and instant coffee while she talked of her wonderful life. You were also there for me when she died. You sat with me on her grave as we talked to her. I'm sure she would have felt your presence as much as mine.

But my relationship with you had to end, and you had to go away.

I miss cigarettes. I miss smoking.

I think there are two types of ex-smokers. The anti-smoking kind who will rant against the evils of tobacco. And then there's those like me. Those who loved smoking, and as much as they know how bad it is for themselves and others, they'll understand when someone lights up, smile ... and then go stand next to them and inhale deeply.

Have you ever smoked? Do you miss it at all, or do you hate it?

Friday, August 12, 2011

Not tonight honey... We're being invaded by aliens!

Ahh, the joys of sex, there are many, many many joys! :P

But there are also the days where you are completely exhausted from lack of sleep, you have a pile of dishes in the sink, you haven't shaved your legs in three weeks, and would rather just use the bed for sleeping thank-you-very-much!

So I have come up with some tips for getting out of getting it on!

1. The Cleaning Cover-up:

Ask hubby to give you a hand with the housework before you hit the sheets. If de-grouting the bathroom doesn't turn him off, next get him to clean out the fridge crisper... If he's still in the mood...start worrying about his sanity!

2.The Fake Footy Feint:

"OMG! Aren't the South Chinkapook Goldfish playing the Fraser Island Fuzzy Bunnies? You'd better go watch it! I hear it will be the match of the year!" (Feel free to replace football with your sport of choice, Bog snorkeling, Cheese rolling...)

3. The Pain Pretext:

Forget the old "Not tonight honey, I've got a headache", they'll only tell you that it's good for headaches. Instead, pull out the big guns, a double whammy of ouchy and cringy, "Not tonight honey, I have a urinary tract infection."

4. The Boys-are-awake Bluff:

Pretend you just heard the kids coming down the hallway... and they'll be here any second!!!!

5. The Sexy Stalling Strategy:

"Just let me slip into something more comfortable". Tell hubby you'll just go freshen up, head to the bathroom and slip into something more a deep sleep on the bath mat!

If all else fails, you're still not in the mood and hubby is still trying to get amorous... Then there's nothing left but to fake your own death and go start a new life in Mexico selling coconuts that make sounds like horses galloping...

Are you always up for it? Or do you have some good "avoidance" techniques you can share with us?