Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Whoops! I just killed Dora!

It's not that I'm psychotic (well, not really). But some days I just get so sick of the characters on Children's TV, that I would really like to see them killed off.

They kill off characters on TV shows all the time! Neighbours, The Bold and The Beautiful, Home and Away... Why not kids shows too?
So rather than put my foot through my TV screen, I've decided to kill them off in prose.

Just imagine that annoying little Dora,

The one who explores at great pace.

If her purple backpack contained no oxygen,

and her map sent her exploring deep space!

Then there's those helium filled rodents,
Who go by the name "Chipmunks".
If they were hired to sing on an arctic cruise,
And an evil iceberg got them all sunk!

The ballet dancing, tutu wearing mouse,
The one they call Angelina Ballerina,
Disappears when pirouetting past Swan Lake,
... and since then nobody's seen her.

Pat was the eternally chirpy postman,
But Jess his black and white cat,
didn't guess where the bomb was hidden,
Now he's called Roastman Pat.

(Roastman Pat, Roastman Pat, Roastman Pat and his BBQ'd cat)

Poor old Dorothy the Dinosaur,
She was the last of her kind you see,
But now she's extinct like the rest of them.
Someone had poisoned her rosy tea.

Lastly those pyjama clad brothers,
Known as B1 and B2,
Were last seen running away from,
some gorillas who'd escaped from the zoo.

Do you have a kids TV character that you don't like that you'd like to see killed off? Or do you like all the characters on children's TV?


Eloise said...

My kids watch this show on Foxtel called 'The Kids Next Door' ..... I HATE IT. the voices of these cartoon kids are sooooo piercing and annoying. Its a thousand times worse than nails on a blackboard. If I could kill that show I would!

Carla said...

Hi, I found my way here from Flog Yo Blog Friday. Just wanted to say that I can totally relate to this post. I am NOT a fan of Dora, and quite frankly Angelina Ballerina is plain horrid :-)

Voluptacon said...

Cheers guys!

Start leaving your Hit Lists here and I'll see if I can "disappear" these evil creatures! :)

Marilyn @ Live First Write Later said...

Oh well done! *claps hands*

Mum's the word said...

it seems wrong to request this because normally I like Thomas the tank but if I have to watch one more episode I will go mad!

Voluptacon said...

Ok, I'll just kill him off for a few episodes then.
He can then re-emerge as alive in about 6 months, due to the fact I actually killed his long lost evil twin brother Terrence.

Natalie said...

Got to have been one of the funniest things I have read in a while.

Jess@Diary of a SAHM said...

Roast man Pat! That is absolute gold!

I would kill off the little princess. How does anyone put up with her whining and demands!

Visiting from FYBF

Voluptacon said...

Thanks guys. I am Quite proud of Roastman Pat. Except now I have THAT theme song stuck in my head!

Roastman Pat, Roastman Pat, Roastman Pat and his BBQ'd cat....

Kel said...

Please kill off Mickey Mouse Club House - his voice makes my ears bleed.

I am totally going to Disney Hell when I die.

joeh said...

They must not have Barney down under or else you all would be screaming for that purple dinasaurs head!

Cranky Old MAn

Dora the explorer birthday invitations said...

All these characters are extremely my daughter's favorite.

Voluptacon said...

I will quite possibly see you in Disney hell Kel!

JoeH. I have heard of barney, but no, we don't have him here (unless he's on pay TV). Dorothy is enough of an annoying dinosaur to cover that genre!

Sonia @ Life Love and Hiccups said...

You are a GENIUS. Can I possibly pay you to make a hit on the Wiggles too - they are sooo yesterday!

You could quite possibly have a very successful career as a kids tv hitman.
(or woman)

xxx Sonia

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Di said...

My top 3 of the worst!
* Jason Mason from Grandpa in my Pocket just has to go!
* Angelina Ballerina is selfish & self indulgent.
*Postman Pat - he never admits when he makes a big mistake and teaches kids to avoid taking responsibility.

Thanks for the opportunity to let off steam.