I was sitting at a friends house the other night, enjoying wonderful food and company, when I saw it...
It had materialised out of nowhere. It was sitting there on the table, right next to my friend's dinner plate.
I was frozen in fear and horror as it sat on the table looking like it belonged there.
It was awful, it was hideous to look at, it was the biggest, most disgusting spider you had EVER seen.
...And it was LIME!!!!!
And I don't like Lime Spiders!
At first I thought it was something innocuous, like a Spearmint milkshake, or the contents of a broken lava lamp, or that an unfortunate guest had the flu really bad and had repeatedly used that particular glass to sneeze into.
But no! It was that curdling combination of Lime Soda and Ice cream.
Why do people drink these things when there is a perfectly tasty alternative if you just break open a battery?
Why would you want to drink something that looks like the the losing pile in a Kermit Vs Yoda vomiting contest?
Why bother writing a third reason to dislike this drink when I could be making another coffee instead?
It's one of those strange mysteries of the universe I will never understand.
So, Like most people who don't understand things, I want to get rid of it!
I have written to certain manufacturers and have patented a potent potion. I have come up with a product that I think will be most beneficial in ridding the world of these congealing concoctions.
Who's with me in the abhorrence of non-arachnid spiders?
...Or are you a lover of Spiders?