I was sitting at a friends house the other night, enjoying wonderful food and company, when I saw it...
It had materialised out of nowhere. It was sitting there on the table, right next to my friend's dinner plate.
I was frozen in fear and horror as it sat on the table looking like it belonged there.
It was awful, it was hideous to look at, it was the biggest, most disgusting spider you had EVER seen.
...And it was LIME!!!!!
And I don't like Lime Spiders!
At first I thought it was something innocuous, like a Spearmint milkshake, or the contents of a broken lava lamp, or that an unfortunate guest had the flu really bad and had repeatedly used that particular glass to sneeze into.
But no! It was that curdling combination of Lime Soda and Ice cream.
Why do people drink these things when there is a perfectly tasty alternative if you just break open a battery?
Why would you want to drink something that looks like the the losing pile in a Kermit Vs Yoda vomiting contest?
Why bother writing a third reason to dislike this drink when I could be making another coffee instead?
It's one of those strange mysteries of the universe I will never understand.
So, Like most people who don't understand things, I want to get rid of it!
I have written to certain manufacturers and have patented a potent potion. I have come up with a product that I think will be most beneficial in ridding the world of these congealing concoctions.
Who's with me in the abhorrence of non-arachnid spiders?
...Or are you a lover of Spiders?
Dear family and friends,
I'm just sending you out our annual christmas letter to let you know how our ever-so-humble little family have been doing over the past year.
This year has been full of many fantastic achievements, as I'm sure your own families would have experienced also.
I shall modestly try and list the achievements of the family, including my boy's growing and learning experiences over the year.
Firstly there was Jasper, who started the year off with a bang, when he started going kinder. Dropping him off on that first day was a sad day for me, but he soon settled in and made loads of friends.
But I would have to say his most crowning achievement this year would have been, when playing around on the swing set at kinder, he managed to come up with a solution for global warming. Here he is standing with Al Gore being presented with the Nobel Peace Prize.
Next is Atticus, who has recently made great leaps with his speech, and is yammering on all day, running around outside, finding bugs and climbing the chook shed. But my favoutrite part of the year for him, was when he made it into the Guinness Book of records for simultaneously performing open heart surgery while reading Tolstoy's War and Peace.
Ninja and I have been very busy with work, the kids and our endless, various, charitable, altruistic edeavours and humanitarian acts this year. Such as saving the reputation of the misunderstood Cane Toad and our tireless research into ingrown toenails.
You also may remember that we purchased a holiday house at the start of the year, which we have been renovating. Ninja and I have been doing all the work ourselves and are very pleased with the result. We would have had it done within 6 months, but we couldn't make up our minds on the tiling in the 3 floor bathroom and I did my back digging out the pool.
I'd list more of their successes and achievements from over the year, but I'm running late for my
Women
Artfully
Negotiating
Kindness
Everywhere
Round
Saudi Arabia
meeting.
I hope you all have had a happy and successful year as we have, and all the best Christmas wishes to you and your families.
xoxo
